It was then that I asked myself the same question I ask my clients when their emotions seem highly charged relative to the story they are telling. And that question is: "Does this situation resemble another experience you may have had in the past?" It certainly did. And it was a situation that I've dwelled on for so long, that I actually drove a friend crazy because she was so tired of hearing about it.
It was the one long-term relationship I've had in my life - you know, with the man I thought I was going to marry and have children with. But then I didn't. Instead, my best friend did [insert gasp here]. It was heartbreaking, and I just couldn't seem to get passed it. Many times I have asked myself why. All I could do was chalk it up to that old expression that 'love knows no bounds, and healing happens in it's own time'. But, honestly, after 15 years of coming back to the same pain, I was tired of hearing about it too! I needed to move on, but it seems I was emotionally stuck and rooted deeply in the past.
If you've read my previous blog, you might have picked up the fact that I am staying with my parents right now. Therefore, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I keep picking Isis from my Goddess Oracle deck, and she's been telling me that my current situation relates to a childhood issue. It seems that my soul journey in this lifetime includes fast-tracking my healing (I guess I want to get a lot done this time around), and so here I am, facing my childhood issues right under my parents' own roof!
Since hearing the news (about the guy being seen with the girl), I had a heaviness in my heart, so I turned to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) to help lift the weight. As it usually happens, I started out tapping around the conscious understanding I had of my problem (the 15-year old heartbreak), and after a few rounds, more information came to the surface to reveal the deeper issue. It usually comes as a surprise to the tapper, as it's often a painful memory, that's been dutifully repressed by the mind and hidden in the depths of our being for a long time. The purpose of the tapping is to release the charge around the painful emotions that we've been holding in our bodies. Well, let me tell you baby, I got results.
As I tapped and talked myself through this, I connected with the feelings of the little girl in me who so desperately longed for the attention of her father. The little girl who wondered why he wasn't there for her and worried that she had done something to warrant his emotional absence. The little girl who continually tried so hard to be a good girl in order to please her father and win his affection. Sound familiar? It's common to many women my age born to a Baby-Boomer father.
It's also important to note that as long as these unmet needs go unacknowledged, we will carry the old feelings around these needs into our adult relationships. Ever been told to "stop acting like a child?" Exactly.
In hindsight, we may now understand that our fathers were being the men they were socially groomed to be. But that little girl did not have this insight, and in order to move beyond this, her feelings needed to be acknowledged. So that's what I did. I let her talk. She spilled her guts, and I gave her lots of compassion and loads of reassurance. In no time short, the long-held tears finally flowed - free and clear. All I can say is this: What a relief! Afterwards, my heart felt lighter, my mind clearer, and I had more energy. I got up and completed some tasks that had stagnated. I was in the flow again and life felt good.
Have you identified any of your own triggers that have poked at past issues? If so, how have you dealt with them? Would love to hear from you in the comment section below. We all have something to learn from one another, so let your voice be heard.
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